and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
