Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
