Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My hand turned me down
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
