we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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