guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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