Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
