HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
