i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
