Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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