He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
