I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Come on in and take your pants off
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