My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
