You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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