Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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