Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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