she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
