And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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