If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
