Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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