put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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