I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
