VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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