I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
