Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
