He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
