the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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