so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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