Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
