My underwear smells like fireworks.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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