They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
two words: eviction party
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
