I didn't shave. On purpose
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
