Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
