Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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