Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
