I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
