just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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