she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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