you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
