HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
