this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
