Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
