Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
