In America we eat man semen.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
