I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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