Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
