I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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