somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
