Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
