a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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