dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
