once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
