were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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